Your Body Is Talking—Here’s How to Listen: Somatic Therapy + Internal Family Systems with Molly Bienstock (117)

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:11:07
Unknown
My hot take, which I think is the truth, which is the internal family system. Therapy is shamanism.

00:00:11:09 - 00:00:43:14
Unknown
Hey listeners, and welcome back to how the Wise one Grows. In today's episode, Kelly and I had an incredible conversation all about Somatics internal family systems and all the healing things with Molly Bienstock. But before we dive in, let's take a moment to land here together with a big breath in through the nose and exhale out through the mouth.

00:00:43:16 - 00:01:12:01
Unknown
So today we are with Kelly and Emma, who you met in our Embarrassing Stories episode, which is wonderful and linked in the show notes. And we have a very special guest today, Molly Bienstock. Molly is a therapist and educator raising all that hands in the air yoga teacher, embodiment guide and re parenting coach. And today Molly is here to talk to us about Somatics.

00:01:12:04 - 00:01:43:10
Unknown
Molly, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much for having me. Inviting me. Thank you Kelly, and let's just so nice to meet you and and be with you. We are so excited and have so many questions about somatics. So I kind of just want to dive in with like the basic question that's probably on the mind of a lot of people who are listening is like, what is somatic therapy and how is it different from talk therapy?

00:01:43:12 - 00:01:48:16
Unknown
Yeah. Great question. I think.

00:01:48:18 - 00:02:15:12
Unknown
I think most people are tbhq, to be quite honest. I think most people are. Yeah. So somatic makes the root of the word soma just means body. And so it just means anything that's body focused, body based. Somatic therapy can look like a lot of different things. It's a very broad term because body is a broad term.

00:02:15:12 - 00:03:03:21
Unknown
Right. What are we talking about here. We talking about muscles organs joints energy. Right. There's so many layers of this body. It's psychedelic. And so there's so many experiences that one can have within it. And the practitioners vary as much as bodies vary. So Somatics is a really individually based experience. And there is a specific school of thought called somatic experiencing, which you've probably heard about that was developed by Peter Levine and really just based off of like naturalistic observations of nature of animals, of nervous systems in the wild.

00:03:03:23 - 00:03:47:12
Unknown
And we are also nature. We're no different. So we experience the same things. We just have slightly different expressions of consciousness and different ways that our brains and nervous systems function in the world, especially in modernity, like we're not in the wild. So, somatic therapy is a body focused, experience facilitated by someone or a group of people to help you get more embodied, which can happen through breath, through movement, through stillness, through meditation, through yoga, through visualization, through sound.

00:03:47:14 - 00:04:14:07
Unknown
So the way that I do somatic therapy is I integrate all of those things that I just named. And like some of the work from my mentors, people I've met and haven't met that haven't met Doctor Peter Levine or Doctor Richard Schwartz of Internal Family Systems Therapy. But those are like very, very important mentors to me, as well as like really fantastic, beautiful people that I've been able to be on retreat with.

00:04:14:07 - 00:04:47:02
Unknown
Like a dear teacher, Adriana Rossello, who's at Art of Loving on Instagram and really smoky CA, who's at Holistic Life Navigation on Instagram. And another mentor of mine, Aisha Castillo. So and then my ancestors, like my own body, is my teacher. I am from a Jewish lineage, and there's just a very rich history of magic, mysticism, being in a body, having trauma, having joy.

00:04:47:04 - 00:05:16:12
Unknown
So just the contradictions of being alive is something that I'm interested in and, offering to people so they can, you know, experience their own sense of what it means to be alive in their bodies this beautiful time. Like, yeah, okay, okay, I'll see you guys. Yeah. And we are back. We know you guys do nothing and. Yeah, dude, the body cries.

00:05:16:14 - 00:05:57:11
Unknown
Well, I think I think that I know you were just kind of just really quickly touched on internal family systems, but if you could maybe explain that for people who haven't heard it before and how that fits in with somatic therapy and with that, like, I mean, I personally have, focus on a lot of that in with my own therapist here in Tennessee, and I have felt like it's I was explaining to Holly at an earlier time, like how amazing it has been to work in, with somebody using Somatics for the first time.

00:05:57:12 - 00:06:21:22
Unknown
And oddly enough, I feel like I have been gifted this entirely new language to communicate with my body, even though, like it's stepping away from talk therapy, you know, in certain ways and just learning how to drop in. And I think, like internal family systems has been like a massive part of that, new language, for lack of a better word.

00:06:21:22 - 00:06:45:16
Unknown
So maybe you could explain a little bit on internal internal family systems and how that helps you communicate and navigate with your body? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, Emma, you said so many great things about what it is. And you were like, if there's a better word than language, I don't think there is. That's so perfect. We're learning a lot the language of our bodies.

00:06:45:18 - 00:07:10:23
Unknown
And I think you really helped to answer, you know, the distinction question from Holly about the difference between, like, talk therapy and somatic therapy. As humans who who do this thing of communicating like this with our little squares, we talk and we listen like it's a huge part of somatic therapy or just therapy in general is talking.

00:07:11:01 - 00:07:38:19
Unknown
I think the perhaps the difference that I've come to understand quite recently is that maybe you could like, have what seems like a normal, regular, regular talk therapy session. But the solutions are always coming back to the wisdom of the body. And so to talk about internal family systems, another way that we could kind of talk about that is something called parts work team.

00:07:38:21 - 00:08:07:08
Unknown
So like I was kind of saying before we have all of these different parts of us, whether it's like an arm and a leg, right. Or like a liver or a spleen or like an eyeball or a tongue, like these are just different parts. Like we can kind of get on board with that, right? And then in internal family systems therapy, it's just I'm really going to say my hot take, which I think is the truth.

00:08:07:10 - 00:08:38:02
Unknown
Yes. Which is that internal family systems therapy is shamanism. So we're really like I've had folks in session have past life regressions. You know, it's like how open you are to connecting with an image, a memory that is being shown up through pain or discomfort or some moment of pause. It's connecting you to like maybe another body.

00:08:38:04 - 00:09:03:09
Unknown
Right. And, and I mean body like a body of water of. Yeah. An owl. A different life that you lived. I know I'm going, like out here right at the start. Get out here. I'm out. All right. Okay, I love it. We're jumping out there with the. Yes. Like, that's really like a huge value of mind is animism, which is what all things have, are alive.

00:09:03:11 - 00:09:38:03
Unknown
Even this like dusk that I'm sitting at, is, like, vibrating, you know, so when we talk about parts, like, is there a possibility, do we have the capacity to vibrate at a level of which we can hear the language of a certain part? And that usually means like slowing down more than feels comfortable. And getting in touch with an aspect of ourselves regardless of how we feel about it.

00:09:38:05 - 00:10:04:20
Unknown
A quick little note here. If you want to learn more about shamanism and animism, check out episode 74. We have it linked in the show notes for you parts. Work is so fascinating. Doctor Richard Schwartz talks about that. We have, protectors, right? So we have two kinds of protectors. We have a manager or managers, and we have firefighters.

00:10:04:22 - 00:10:25:12
Unknown
And so the managers are the part of us that like, have a clipboard and are like checking things off and are like keeping it together on the outside are sometimes like, most of the time, overworked parts of us, and we feel really fatigued or exhausted or we feel like, why am I like not? I can't like be authentic in this moment.

00:10:25:12 - 00:10:46:02
Unknown
Like, what does authenticity mean to me right now? And then we also have firefighters who will put out the fire of our lives, whatever that is, in whatever ways they can. So sometimes that means, like addiction, like, I can't deal with this right now. I'm going to drink or I'm going to overheat, you know, or I'm going to sleep.

00:10:46:02 - 00:11:25:07
Unknown
Like whatever patterns fuel accessible to numb. That's what the firefighters will help us do. There's also parts called exiles which get, like, pushed to like the deep, dark corners of our beings, which, you know, sometimes can be like our sexuality, like our eroticism, our like desire, our playfulness. Or rather, we've like, you know, whatever it is that like, is like edgy or, you know, up against some kind of, you know, feeling like we're not or like belonging to the group in the right way.

00:11:25:09 - 00:12:00:01
Unknown
And that gets like learned out of us. But it actually just gets like pushed down. Right. Those parts are still within us. And then lastly I think maybe just for, for now, there's also something called the self Capital S. And I think in cultures you could call this like the soul. Right. Like lots of different ways to describe self capital S, but essentially like when I talk about repatriating the self, is this un traumatized aspect of our beings.

00:12:00:03 - 00:12:27:10
Unknown
That is. Yeah. Like the, the never ending spirit of love, God, the universe, you know, the connection to like the avatar tail that plugs into the big tree of life or something. And there are these other parts of us that get like mangled and, and gnarly and then like, get ugly and then like, get really scary and we're like, whoa, you're being really scary right now.

00:12:27:12 - 00:12:52:12
Unknown
Like, what's going on? But usually if there's a monster under our bed, we're like, I'm not going under there. Would you know, my brain is like, why would I do that? There's three answers. And then the repenting aspect is like, should we get a flashlight? Go check under the bed. I'ma hold your hand because this is scary and this is new regardless of what we're going to see I don't know.

00:12:52:14 - 00:13:25:08
Unknown
But I got you right. Like it's not wise parent elder God goddess spirit right. Mystery capital G, capital M. So the self when we have conflict, whether it's internal or external, like with other people or relationships, we are usually wanting some kind of love, forgiveness, connection, understanding, time and space from the self to that injured or wounded part.

00:13:25:10 - 00:13:47:00
Unknown
And this like comes up these like, you know, they're called like attachment wounds or like attachment injuries, like when we don't get what we desperately basically need as children. There's been like a lot of studies, happy to talk about them. And I'm a big nerd, as you can see. But then you get these like corrective experiences with other people.

00:13:47:00 - 00:14:29:09
Unknown
And then we also can get done, like with ourselves or, you know, I'll always do a plug for nature. We get them from nature. This like unconditional love. I love that. Who are you saying that through somatics. It helps us like communicate through our bodies language to then connect to those internal parts. I kind of think of it as like my internal community sometimes like oh, here in is it like through somatic experiences, we can tune in to them and hear their voices and communicate with them, because normally we're so flooded by all the mind stuff, all the societal things.

00:14:29:11 - 00:14:59:01
Unknown
So we have to slow down so that we can go like in, in down to that internal community and hear this better, love, Molly. I love that so much. That's actually a question of like, ifs therapists that I studied where they would ask both for her client and facilitator who's here? You know, I think this can get.

00:14:59:03 - 00:15:19:02
Unknown
I love that, too. Yeah. Who's here? And for both parties, right? Yeah. Yeah, I really liked that. You know, the I witnessed this therapist say there's a part of me that wants to do a really good job. There's a part of me that's, like, a little distracted by my dog barking in the other room. Yeah. You know, like, there's a part of me that's like.

00:15:19:02 - 00:15:43:03
Unknown
Oh, just heard my belly growl. You know, it's like, if this is attending, this is just like a tending to. I think we have, a a pretty good understanding of, like when we do feel like hunger and thirst or like cold or hot, like those are parts of us also. Right? Those are like that, that into receptive system, that community.

00:15:43:05 - 00:16:17:18
Unknown
And then the proprioceptive system is like, where are we in relationship to, time and space? And somatic practices can really almost immediately in my experience, it's not like a fast thing. Somatics is famously like slow and steady over time, but like the results of these small things, like subtle things are so profound where we do like an orienting practice where we just like look around the room and maybe we can do this right now, where we just like, we literally just look around the room.

00:16:17:18 - 00:16:25:21
Unknown
This is called orienting.

00:16:25:23 - 00:16:43:17
Unknown
And you really just let your head, neck and eyes fall on what they want to fall on. There's a color, a texture.

00:16:43:19 - 00:16:55:12
Unknown
And this is like a beautiful practice to then just see how your breath responds. What are you noticing?

00:16:55:14 - 00:17:08:01
Unknown
Where do your eyes kind of want to hang out? Where do they want to dart away from. Just getting curious.

00:17:08:03 - 00:17:20:04
Unknown
And then I always end like a short orienting practice with looking behind us.

00:17:20:06 - 00:17:31:20
Unknown
Kind of looking over each shoulder I noticed that I just had a deeper breath come.

00:17:31:22 - 00:17:59:07
Unknown
And you know slowly coming back into shared space. This is just a way to like, let our eyes have proof about, like, feeling safe to go inward and check in with our community. We don't feel safe, like in the space that we're in. Wow. Yeah. I be so curious to to just hear how that, like what that was like for you guys.

00:17:59:09 - 00:18:23:21
Unknown
I love, when you said something during it that was like, just be curious. And I had I just moved back up, not just moved, I guess within a year and a half, which is crazy. I used to live with Emma in Nashville. And I had. I moved up to Connecticut, but I in Nashville had an amazing therapist.

00:18:23:21 - 00:19:09:17
Unknown
Who was. She didn't specifically say, like Somatics was a, what's it called? Like a specialty. But she described herself and as as an experiential therapist, which I had never heard of, and I, I mean, Emma and Holly can both tell you I am in love with this person. I was like, so I feel like, oh, my gosh, I've, like, referred everyone in my life to go see her, but she was so wonderful at reminding me, whenever, and we, we worked on a lot of internal family systems and things, and she was so wonderful at kind of giving me like the mantra of whenever, whenever I want to, like, fall into

00:19:09:17 - 00:19:35:21
Unknown
judgment with myself or at a certain part of myself to just try to reframe that as curiosity. And I feel like that's so good. It was so. But you you said something about just being curious about like, you know, what are your eyes want to fall on? And I think that was a really big, that was a that was a big, thing I noticed is that I was like, oh, what what should I be looking for?

00:19:35:21 - 00:20:16:04
Unknown
Like, what should what should I be doing? And then just being like, well, I don't know, my eyes can do whatever they want to do. What do they want to do? And, you know, I feel like that's. But that. Yeah, that just brought me back to that because I'm still it's something that has helped me so much because I think for years my inclination when I noticed myself, judging myself for judging my reactions to things, then there would be this like layer of shame and anger at myself, or even or like frustration or like, oh, why are you being judgmental?

00:20:16:04 - 00:20:42:02
Unknown
And then I'm just being more judgmental towards that thing. And I think for such a long time, my kind of go to was like, it was kind of like being like a, way to stern teacher to that part and being like, stop, like, put down the judgment, stop, go sit down. And that didn't do anything for me except make me feel more shamed.

00:20:42:02 - 00:21:24:16
Unknown
And so I loved this idea of like, turning it into curiosity and being like instead of being like, you're doing this thing again, be like, I'm doing that thing again. I wonder why. And like, you know, just literally. So that's okay. Yeah, exactly. Just being like, oh, interesting. Okay. Because it's all I think it makes it takes so much of the shame out of it for me when I am able to like rename things instead of, like, categorizing it as good or bad instead of putting any morality to it, basically just being like, all of this is data.

00:21:24:16 - 00:21:54:15
Unknown
It's all info, and I'm just learning about myself with every second that I'm alive. So like every time that I'm like, oh, okay, that's something that's happening, right? That's a thought I just had. Like, I think it's so helpful. So I really appreciate that. Just reminder. And in doing something even like so not time consuming, but just a little thing to kind of be like, this is where I physically am right now and what am I noticing from it?

00:21:54:15 - 00:22:20:19
Unknown
You know, I think that's really that's a beautiful thing. Absolutely. Thank you for sharing that. That that sounds so transformative. I love you said I'm just living I'm just learning about myself every second of every day. I'm like if, if we can partner with this instead of like battling it, it's we're going to have a better time.

00:22:21:01 - 00:22:46:07
Unknown
Yes, yes. It's so funny. I was I was talking to my sister and you guys, actually, any of you might be able to help me. It's like, of course. Can't think of who actually said this initially that I was hearing it from. And I was like, it was either Brené Brown on a podcast or it was Elizabeth Gilbert in, I don't know if you've read Big Magic Love Thing.

00:22:46:09 - 00:23:11:02
Unknown
Yeah. Okay. So it was one of them. And I'm like, it's very likely that the place I first heard this was one of them interviewing the other on one of their podcasts. So I'm like somewhere. But I remember hearing this analogy of, going for like, your life being a road trip and being like, all of the parts of me are always in the car and you're never going to whether you want to or not.

00:23:11:02 - 00:23:32:01
Unknown
You're never going to fully like, leave any one part of you stranded at the roadside. And no matter how much you might tell yourself, like, it would be kind of nice to leave fear or anxiety or whatever at the gas station and just like take away like they're they're there for a reason. And I loved whoever it was.

00:23:32:01 - 00:23:58:04
Unknown
I remember saying like kind of having a conversation with their fear and saying, like, we'll make a deal. You're always invited on the road trip. You're never going to not be in the car, but you are or you've lost your eye. It was something you've lost your radio privileges. You don't privileges. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't get to choose what we listen to.

00:23:58:06 - 00:24:17:06
Unknown
You don't get to ride shotgun. And you, you certainly and very adamantly never get to drive the car or tell us where we're going. But you can sit in the backseat and you can be there and we'll hear you when you need to, you know, because it I think it is one of those things where it's just like it's so helpful to go like, oh, right.

00:24:17:06 - 00:24:39:05
Unknown
This is something that was designed to keep me safe, or it was designed to keep me out of trouble or, you know, whatever, whatever the thing is, like, it's trying to help and I think that's something that's, you know. I know you and I have talked about this a lot with specifically with and I'll let you share your, your.

00:24:39:11 - 00:25:06:02
Unknown
Yeah. How you view internal family systems. But I know that's something of like just being kind to every part. Yes. And creating space for every part. But I also it's kind of something that you said, Kelly made me want to ask you this, this other question. Maybe you can kind of like, expand on this as well, which is like, I do feel like, like with not, you're never going to drive the car.

00:25:06:02 - 00:25:32:11
Unknown
You're like, you have been, you know, you're now a backseat person. And I feel like a lot of times something that I personally have noticed is like getting into, like these cycles where it almost feels like I know that everybody exists. And depending on the day in the week and the month in the year and the way that each person's body works with their mind.

00:25:32:11 - 00:26:24:12
Unknown
But it feels like sometimes either maybe some people feel, I don't know, your experience with this. Can people have more heightened physical responses in general to emotions or more sensitive nervous systems and whether that is because there has been something specifically traumatic, or can you just exist in that space? And how can like somatic therapy help with that if it's just like you're existing in that space, or specifically if you've have had more of like a traumatic experience, because a lot of times it does really feel like with when you're checking in with your internal family systems and you're doing your part work just being like there is, there's always so much external things that

00:26:24:12 - 00:26:52:09
Unknown
are coming in. But, you know, should I be having this type of level of reaction when it seems like everything is fine in. Oh I do know. Yeah. And you wanted me to answer this mean. Yeah I would love it specifically. Like do you feel like people can have more like heightened physical responses and that that would be something that would be really beneficial.

00:26:52:09 - 00:27:21:23
Unknown
If you're interested in somatic therapy. Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. And maybe why why do you think some people have more feel like it can be heightened specifically with physical responses. Okay. And I'm already thinking of things to respond to. But let me just get really curious. What do you mean by physical responses. Oh we could say anxiety.

00:27:21:23 - 00:27:45:00
Unknown
Kind of like Kelly and I have had a lot of conversations about this through our many, many years of being roommates of, you know, it. I don't think I should be having I'm just going to work. I'm doing my regular routine, and yet I feel as though I'm having the same physical response that my body has needed to have for years and years of there feels like there's a tiger in the room.

00:27:45:00 - 00:28:11:04
Unknown
There's clearly no longer a tiger in the room. I know I'm going to be running from that. That's not how we live anymore. But why am I still having that level of a physical response when it's just the day to day kind of thing? 100%? Yeah. Thank you for bringing the Tiger and always. Yeah, yeah. And it's like it makes so much sense from what Kelly was sharing about like the reframe from judgment to curiosity.

00:28:11:06 - 00:28:33:03
Unknown
Okay. So it's funny because partially what Kelly was saying was like I'm judging the judgment. Right. Right. And so we do need judgment. Right. Our brains are wired to see like what's different than the rest. Right. Because when we did live on the savanna we needed to see like the lion out of the zebra pack.

00:28:33:05 - 00:28:57:16
Unknown
You know. So we do have a keen sense of judgment and the very, you know, on our arousal system and like the two are oblongata, the brainstem and like these like old, old, old, parts of the brain, the oldest parts of the brain, the youngest part of the brain is the prefrontal cortex, which is the executive function, but decision making.

00:28:57:18 - 00:29:24:03
Unknown
So it's like, I don't know, this feels like miles away from like this is oh, and now I'm making a conscious decision. It's like, that's crazy. But so we have this this like part in us that's like the cognition isn't necessarily on line. It's just like action. It's just like act, right. So that's an important kind of foundation to lay about how the brain works.

00:29:24:05 - 00:30:04:16
Unknown
And, I want to bring in two points. I want to talk about how internal family systems talks about lineage burdens, which are like parts that came on line, perhaps not within our own lifetime, but within our ancestors lifetime. So, you know, like the history of the police, for example, was to like, catch enslaved folks who were maybe trying to escape for freedom.

00:30:04:18 - 00:30:40:06
Unknown
And, that's going to stay in your body. That's life or death, right? So like black folks in America, regardless of an interaction that they may have with a police officer, have that kind of fear threat, cortisol, adrenaline running through their body? Rightfully so, based on history. Right. And also based on current events. And so we're really like learning how to find safety within ourselves sometimes in moments where there is threat present.

00:30:40:08 - 00:31:05:00
Unknown
And that's an incredible feat, a really incredible feat. And sometimes we're finding safety, we're trying to find safety within ourselves when threat is not present. Like when you're saying when there's like you're like there is no tire in the room, right? But I'm responding as if there is. And so just as much as the brain likes to have repetition about like, there's there's something here, this is wrong.

00:31:05:00 - 00:31:27:04
Unknown
Hypervigilance. Right. Is that a lion like as much as our brain has a really like that's keen. It's a takes that job very seriously. I think we can also give it a loving job to do, which in effect we could call like job reassignment. I don't know if I made that up. I think that's part of it.

00:31:27:06 - 00:32:00:23
Unknown
I know I salary assignments, you give a job. Do you want to share that? Holly. Yeah, I definitely have, like, a, a manager and a, like, a watch guard part for a while. And this particular part I did some work with years ago, but it was it felt like it was at a watchtower and it was always streaming, looking, looking like this, like light beam, making sure, like trying to find the flag to tell me that I was in danger.

00:32:01:01 - 00:32:26:22
Unknown
Like it was waiting for anything at a drop of the hat. It didn't believe that we were safe. And I really had to give it a new role. Like it? It didn't want to just, like, put down the Watchtower. So, man, I'm trying to remember what role specifically we gave it. But I think at first it was kind of like giving it a break, asking it if it wanted to take a break.

00:32:27:04 - 00:33:03:16
Unknown
And I don't think it did. You know, some parts my manager part was like, yeah, girl, I'll go play by the pool now. That's fine. I'm overworked. But that Watchtower part was like, well, what if instead, like, I come over here and instead of, like, being on high alert all the time, we are focused on, like, decorating the space around here to make it feel safe, like rather than looking for that danger, focus on like creating safety where you are.

00:33:03:18 - 00:33:21:01
Unknown
And I think that was some work over time that it was like it didn't want to take a break. It still felt like it needed to be working, and I needed to honor that part of it, too. So then being like, okay, let's try this instead. Kind of like training a dog, you know, give it a new a new behavior.

00:33:21:03 - 00:33:52:19
Unknown
Yes. I think that's where meditation has just changed my life. Like as a core thing for all of this, I just it's all meditation. Like, it's all bringing it back to something. And. Yeah, I mean, when you talk about, like, retraining your brain, I think, oh, yeah, I think maybe the second thing I wanted to share was that, like, we can have boundaries with our own parts, like what it was with Gilbert.

00:33:52:19 - 00:34:20:01
Unknown
I know for a fact, because I love that quote. I like quote where she's like talking about fear and creativity and, she's such a great speaker and just writer and person. Incredible. But I love this idea of like, you know, maybe from, like, the Bdsm community of, like, being like, okay, okay, but you want to tell me that you're seeing, like, this person, this like, you go off clean, like you tell me.

00:34:20:01 - 00:34:40:08
Unknown
You know what I mean? Like, you know, or it's like you're being a bratty little sub, and I. And, like, you actually don't get to tell me that right now. And I'm going to give you, like, this, like, hot little, like, container that like, you can just, like, kind of feel of. Right. And then it's kind of like a weighted blanket for those parts.

00:34:40:10 - 00:35:00:19
Unknown
Like, I know in my personal experience, like when I get to be around someone really safe and sturdy, I get to be like, oh, when we all. Yeah. So like, right, just be like gas and like, take up whatever. Like, yes. And I'm just like, oh my God. Okay, now I'm ready for a nap after that or something, right?

00:35:00:21 - 00:35:23:10
Unknown
I feel so free and liberated to be able to show all of those different versions of myself and I sometimes I maybe Kelly what Kelly was speaking to too. And like Emma, your question about this, like I sometimes think like I definitely worked with people who are like, Molly, I don't want to be nice to this part. What are you talking about?

00:35:23:12 - 00:35:44:08
Unknown
You know, it's like, don't force anything that's not, you know, that you don't have access to. And like, you get to take your power back. You know, you get to say like I see you doing this thing. I don't think I fully understand how you've been trying to protect me for 30 years. And I see that now.

00:35:44:13 - 00:36:01:18
Unknown
And I'm sorry that I was you know, I just whenever you tried to get my attention, I said, kindly fuck off. I'm trying to do something here, right? Like I'm trying to live my life. I'm trying to get that bag for it's, you know. Yeah, grocery store. Like, calm down. You know, like, we don't have time for this right now.

00:36:01:20 - 00:36:23:14
Unknown
We do not have time for this right now. One. Right. There's a term of endearment. When I talk to myself. Sorry. Love. Like, reframing it of, like, putting it into even, like you're the spicy container. Because I feel like it's such, like, heavy lifting sometimes, or that you're, like, going to grocery store, and I don't have time for that.

00:36:23:14 - 00:36:44:02
Unknown
But to be able to even sometimes in those scenarios, I feel like check in in the spicy container makes it a little can, I guess, maybe make it a little bit lighter and still continue like that conversation. So it's not that you're checking in and having that conversation 30 years later to yeah, yeah, you're still in relationship. There's honesty there.

00:36:44:03 - 00:37:10:00
Unknown
You're being transparent. You're like, I love and this is what love looks like right now. Love looks like you. Boundaries. Boundaries. Period. Also yeah I'm like I love I was going to say the same thing. I literally was going to say the word spicy. I was like I will, I have never once heard of like treating parts, parts work or anything as like you can be like a little sexy with it.

00:37:10:00 - 00:37:34:18
Unknown
You can be a little rude with it if you need to be. You can be a little spicy, like I was like. And I love that because it's it's like the like the authenticity of how I would speak to someone I love and they and also that I trust, like with my sisters, my friends like, like I just feel like there would be a way where I would be like, I use humor as a part of like you.

00:37:34:19 - 00:37:58:14
Unknown
Really? Shelly? That's it. No, never, I never have. I've never done that before. Never have, I never will, I never will know. But like, that's something that I'm it almost feel and it's wild because also, Molly, I know you said your, yoga teacher as well or that's something you bring in and I'm like, I feel like that is so important for me.

00:37:58:14 - 00:38:18:02
Unknown
Even right now. I feel like I'm having this moment where I'm like, the amount of times I have tried to be this like fake, like gentle parents to these parts that I'm actually just fucking pissed. And then I'm like, that's not doing anything. And then what it does is it makes me just not want to deal with that at all.

00:38:18:02 - 00:38:40:10
Unknown
And I'm like, and then I go to my own personal, like, unhealthy coping mechanisms where I'm like, I'm. Or as you said, what the fireman, the fire, my firefighter. Like, I guess that's it. Where I'm like I instead of dealing with this because I just can't I'm just going to go to sleep and I'm just going to sleep, even though I have stuff to do because I can't deal with it.

00:38:40:10 - 00:38:57:16
Unknown
And it's like there's so much freedom in that. And being like, hang on, you can be a little sassy. Yeah, let's have a little conversation this week about almost feels like like when, you know, like because I think I'm sure we've all experienced that where you're like, I just can't do this. I think I'll just take a nap instead.

00:38:57:22 - 00:39:35:05
Unknown
But it almost feels like your body's like physical response to exile, you know? Like it feels like you're just embodying that physically when you're just not, we're not going to, you know, you ever. You made me think about, like, the other parts of your question to, like, bring in, like, part of my training is in dialectical behavioral therapy, DVT, which is like bringing eastern philosophy to the West, like, it's like it's like a manual for meditation and mindfulness and emotional regulation.

00:39:35:07 - 00:40:09:17
Unknown
And it's really designed for folks who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is weird, like most people would consider like a highly reactive, highly sensitive being, can be because of trauma, childhood experiences like adverse childhood experiences, and also like just a predilection or like a predisposition for being highly sensitive. Yeah. And I think, like the perspective that I always take, I just like, I've worked with kids for a really long time.

00:40:09:17 - 00:40:37:20
Unknown
They've taught me almost everything that I know about being alive and, you know, if we we usually do need a, a gentle yet firm, spicy container of love, you know, like, it's nobody's fault that they're being. If I don't even think it's anybody's fault, they're being like an asshole. You know, there's like, there's this great quote that, like, every behavior has a function.

00:40:37:22 - 00:41:08:03
Unknown
And so, you know, that's when we can get curious about like, well, what what need are you trying to meet in this way? Is there a better way we could meet this need? Because you probably whatever you're trying to get is probably, like, important and would nurture you and nourish you, and you wouldn't feel like you have to, like, throw something across the room, you know, or be like really loud or inappropriate or some way I know that inappropriate, you know, an interesting term.

00:41:08:03 - 00:41:41:14
Unknown
Obviously there's like, you know, sometimes we're just being like inappropriate and it's fine, but sometimes we're like, I did it. It's fun. And, yeah. And sometimes you're like, going about something in a way where it's just, like, less skilled, like you don't have the skills yet. And I just see that a lot from kids. And I think parts work also, like, if we had this language, which we have always had this relationship to parts, because this is shamanism, this is indigenous wisdom.

00:41:41:16 - 00:42:14:01
Unknown
Doctor Richard Schwartz just kind of, you know, brought it to psychology in, in specific language. But it's been around forever. And plants and the earth has, has always known about this diversity of experience. But it's also like, you know, dissociative identity disorder used to be called multiple personality disorder. And there's famous examples of that of like people's parts that, split, right, that like these aspects of self were so split that they almost didn't know the other existed.

00:42:14:06 - 00:42:33:13
Unknown
They weren't conscious of each other. And that's because of just very, very intense, you know, basic needs not being met. Now we have these, like, beautiful conversations where people are essentially speaking in that way of like, you know, I have a part. This is it's character. This is what it sounds like. This is what it feels like.

00:42:33:13 - 00:43:00:19
Unknown
This is what it looks like. Sometimes it's nebulous and it's like just a shape or something. Yeah. Or sometimes it looks like a Pixar character. Oh, definitely love that. You know, it's in this, like, guys. So yeah, it's really that's words work. Yeah. It's like that's it right there. And I just I rewatched it kind of recently, and a friend pointed out that Joy's hair is blue.

00:43:00:21 - 00:43:23:19
Unknown
And, you know, it's because of this. Like, at least we decided that it's because of this journey of like joy and sadness. Joy and grief are one. And the you. That's our home story crying from the. I know I already cried when I watched that like ten times. You can we yeah. And I feel like it's like I love that it's like in the eight guys now.

00:43:23:19 - 00:44:10:11
Unknown
Because what if we had all been lucky enough to get that verbiage when we were little kids watching Pixar? I mean, I feel like every Pixar movie basically feels like parts work, but to be able to, like, hit the nail on the head like, I feel like that they have been doing with like, even like Inside Out, you know, and just introducing that and bringing that into more work with kids and your day to day like it makes it seem like it's just more approachable to people who maybe are not as interested or haven't been, you know, haven't experienced this kind of topic before, which makes it so accessible.

00:44:10:11 - 00:44:40:12
Unknown
I mean, the one about puberty, the Pixar one with the red panda and like, anger and like having a period for the first time, like, these are just not like cultural initiations that we really talk about, like in a tribal community, kind of way, which are I mean, I like all of us. If you Menstrie, I, you know, I think we do in this group, I'm like, that's insane to all of a sudden we bleeding and then, yes, you know what I mean.

00:44:40:12 - 00:45:09:10
Unknown
Like these people have to go to work. It's crazy though, right? So like it's like, whoa body like you're actually doing, you're just actually experiencing a cycle of like, death, rebirth. And like, I. Yeah. No, but we need like, we need mentors. We need like, elders who can help us on the path. And I think not to pedestal therapists because I don't think that that's healthy.

00:45:09:10 - 00:45:41:04
Unknown
And I think that a lot of, conversations that come out of therapeutic spaces are, you know, can can be really healing. I mean, there are people who don't, you know, who aren't therapists who are doing really therapeutic work also, you know, like, so I just think it's it is really cool. Now we can take what we know now and just do our very best to give that to ourselves, because then we're we're giving it to everybody around us.

00:45:41:06 - 00:46:09:16
Unknown
I have got to do a quick plug for some shameless self-promotion here. So first, if you're like, looking for a creative spark in your life or a way to bring more wellness into your day, I have the best thing for you. You can get my 28 day Creative Wellness Workbook. It's a 28 day challenge and each day has a poetic affirmation, a wellness practice, and a creative practice for you to do that are all 11 minutes or less.

00:46:09:16 - 00:46:34:01
Unknown
So it's like the best way to start your day. You can use the code keep creating for 15% off for how the wise one grows listeners. And there's a link in the show notes to get it. And I also want to invite you all on this incredible creative wellness retreat in Santa Teresa, Costa Rica that Preston Slaughter and I are leading November 9th through 14th, 2025.

00:46:34:03 - 00:46:59:04
Unknown
We actually did a creative wellness episode all about it in episode 115. If you want to listen to it and find out all the details, but pretty much will be spending six days in Costa Rica nourishing our bodies, minds and creative spirits through yoga, mindfulness and creative practices. It's honestly like a dream retreat and spaces are filling up and I really want how the wise one grows listeners there.

00:46:59:06 - 00:47:12:20
Unknown
So there's a link in the show notes for the episode, talking all about it, and the link to sign up. Okay, let's go to Costa Rica.

00:47:12:22 - 00:47:43:14
Unknown
This is kind of going all the way back, but I'm curious because I am just meeting you today. Did you, like, have some? Did you grow up in a community or in a family or something that, like valued like this kind of therapy, somatic therapy experiences this kind of like, I forget the exact wordage that you use, but it was so you were like, this has been around in nature in, like, indigenous people have known about this for thousands of years.

00:47:43:16 - 00:48:12:02
Unknown
It was that something that was like, very value to you growing up or did you discover this? Like, how did you get into this? Basically? Well, wow, I'm really honored to answer this question. I've been writing about this. I've been writing about how I got into Somatics and, like, literally just today, okay, I'm going to try and be brief.

00:48:12:02 - 00:48:41:12
Unknown
I think it's a very interesting story. I have always, like, been really enamored by my teachers. Like, I remember like my, I think pre-K, kindergarten, first grade, like early experiences of being like, this is so cool that we all get to like, get together and like, make art and hang out and, like, eat snacks and like, we're like a little outfit.

00:48:41:14 - 00:49:10:14
Unknown
And like, play dress up and have, like, structure and freedom. These so beautifully like in homeostasis, like in equilibrium that just like really jives I was saying before. Right. I like to like when there is a structure I get to push up against that. And that feels really good to me. And then, yeah, I get to like, find my center within that, which is a fun somatic thing where it's like, you can even just, like, sway from side to side.

00:49:10:14 - 00:49:43:15
Unknown
And it's when you feel lost or, like, pulled around by the universe and it's like, well, I'll do that for myself. And then it's like, well, what am I moving through? Like, what is what is? Or you know, what is that feel like? Because we can feel so off center so easily. But so my teachers really held it down and I was like, so, fascinated and absolutely in love with, like, education as a concept, I guess, like, school was this very safe meeting place.

00:49:43:17 - 00:50:15:12
Unknown
And so I always knew I wanted to be a teacher and then when I, when I went to undergrad. Okay. So I'm a big camp nerd. I went to sleep away camp my entire life, and that was where I learned about, like, upward mobility, because it would be like a camper. And then I'd be like, a leader in training, and I'd get to work with the de camp kids, and then I'd be a counselor, a city in training, a counselor training, and I'd get to work with, like, the the younger kids at that camp.

00:50:15:12 - 00:50:51:11
Unknown
And then I got to be a junior counselor, senior counselor, and then I, like, did the special needs camp with my friends. And that was always a very, very special thing about my camp is that we had this, like, incredible special needs program. And, yeah, camp was a very, very special place. So I that I learned about, like, being in nature and, yeah, being a part of something like we would do skits and songs and I was like, you know, I like I love that kind of stuff.

00:50:51:13 - 00:51:13:02
Unknown
And it all felt somatic. It really did. Like, we would say it was a YMCA camp. I told you, I'm Jewish. And so it was just. But we would sometimes do like grace before we ate and it wasn't like Jesus, but it was like, thank you Lord, for giving us food. Thank you, Lord, for giving us food, our daily bread.

00:51:13:08 - 00:51:37:06
Unknown
We need to be fed. Thank you Lord for giving us food. We were just put like a little napkin in the back of your shirt and do like a Superman thing. Yeah, it was not religious at all, but it was like, dang, thanks. And so like that, I was like, whoa, I'm so grateful for being able to sing and dance with my friends.

00:51:37:08 - 00:52:06:13
Unknown
And have, like, a counselor who cares about us. So, I felt so supported and nurtured there. And, like, really became Molly Beans at camp, big beans. And then my, my younger sibling came and they were little beans and the whole thing. Oh, it was very sweet. So I had family, like, you're talking about, like community and I so I had that family outside of my home was nurtured.

00:52:06:15 - 00:52:35:01
Unknown
And so that was incredibly imperative for me. And then, when I went to college, that was definitely a hard transition because I was like, where are my friends that I've gone to camp for so many years? And, I studied sociology, human development, education and psychology, environmental studies and dance. And so that's where I took like my first yoga class.

00:52:35:03 - 00:53:02:16
Unknown
That's where I learned tai chi. I did, a play and I sang in an acapella group. And so different, different aspects of my creativity were just like continuing to get nurtured. I did, I sang in and did plays in high school and stuff, and then, when I graduated college, some trigger warning for, like, broken bones.

00:53:02:16 - 00:53:33:05
Unknown
And in this next part, when I graduated college, I was living at home with my parents and I, they are both incredible athletes. Both of my parents have done multiple marathons and like, countless triathlons. And my mom literally just competed in like, two international triathlons that you have to be, like, invited into. It's no big deal.

00:53:33:07 - 00:54:01:07
Unknown
She is one of the fastest people alive. So, like, athletic Cism has always been a part of I have rebelled against it for so long. I was like, sleeping. What don't you understand? Like I'm not like you. You're like, this is a sport. Let me live. I'm getting an A-plus plus in this, like, be proud.

00:54:01:09 - 00:54:30:15
Unknown
Yes. Let the record show I'm a great writer. And so I did when I was living at home, I was like, you know what? I'm just going to like I'm just going to do what my parents are doing because it feels easier. And I, I trained with them for the entire year. And I did my first triathlon and, I felt so invincible.

00:54:30:17 - 00:54:53:09
Unknown
I built, like, literally on top of the world, and, it's like a sprint. It's not like an Ironman. I just want to be clear. It was like ten laps in the pool, like a ten K bike and then A5K run. Which is so many of of things. Yeah. And I trained for it, and I did it, and I felt great.

00:54:53:09 - 00:55:19:12
Unknown
And, then later that night, it was my dear friend's birthday, and I was so excited to, like, meet up with my friends. And I ran on to this, like, bridge that we used to sit on when we were kids and, like, dangle our feet. And I ran on and I lost my balance and I fell backwards and in midair I was falling backwards.

00:55:19:14 - 00:55:43:23
Unknown
And I heard a voice and it was God. And she was a black woman. And she said, bitch, you better catch yourself. Yeah. As I never heard it like, what was I going to do? Not listening to you to hurt you. So then I turned around. Mid air was falling. I turned around mid air, I just.

00:55:44:01 - 00:56:07:09
Unknown
And then I caught myself on all fours. But my chin kept going like, oh, my jaw. I broke a bunch of teeth. I shattered my left kneecap and, I like, turned up to my friends on the bridge and I was like, bad. Like, oh no, no, no, the the list is bad on the show. Yeah. And my friends were like, you're beautiful.

00:56:07:15 - 00:56:28:16
Unknown
Oh, they're like, can't look at you. But I couldn't even imagine what it was like for them. My gosh. Yeah, I was, I was and so my body did this amazing thing where I was in shock. I really wasn't feeling all that much pain. I knew something was wrong because I couldn't bend my left leg and my teeth were on the ground.

00:56:28:18 - 00:57:00:22
Unknown
But I made my like, we we made our way to, the hospital. Parts of the story are really so hilarious, that I can maybe share with you guys another time, but, it, really catapulted me into, like, my journey with Somatics. I was like, if I ever want to learn how to heal other people, I am being gifted with the opportunity to learn how to heal myself and my younger sibling had already become a yoga teacher.

00:57:01:04 - 00:57:22:15
Unknown
They did chair yoga with me. My my parents gave me supplements I like. My jaw was wired shut for two weeks. I had to like be on an all liquid diet. I started doing comedy during that time too. I was just like letting it all hang out. I was like, using Snapchat and, like, doing just, like, weird bits and stuff.

00:57:22:17 - 00:57:51:18
Unknown
And yeah, I just, like, had no shame, you know, like, And it felt. I felt. Yeah. Amazing. And, yeah, I was like, working at my old high school. I was like, being a paraprofessional, which is like, working with, like, sometimes like kids with, who just maybe have some special needs or, like, need extra support at school.

00:57:51:20 - 00:58:15:17
Unknown
And then I applied to become a yoga teacher. It was a nine month program. So I was literally like, just stating and birthing a new version of myself over this, like course of nine months. And it was so comprehensive. And then I also applied to, like a dual master's program, which were just two completely different masters.

00:58:15:19 - 00:58:37:02
Unknown
One was in social work and one was in special and general education. And then I started when I got into both, when I got my, my teacher certification and everything, and I, started working at a school for kids with special needs. I, like, took over like the social emotional learning, like aspects of the curriculum. Learned a whole bunch of stuff.

00:58:37:04 - 00:59:13:01
Unknown
And, yeah. Then I started my private practice magic with Molly, and I found my way to like the, like, somatics through different mentors and just continuing to be, like, dance therapy feels really good. And like, yeah, like moving my body in different ways and being theatrical and, doing things in community. And then, yeah, I think Somatics just like opened itself to me of, like, these are very specific ways to, like, work with this.

00:59:13:01 - 00:59:43:11
Unknown
And then it's just like it was such a beautiful marriage with everything that I had studied academically. Up until that point, obviously, my experience, my experiential, aspect of that was like it just all really gelled. So it's a long winded answer. Really, I love that. I want to be mindful of time. But before we let you go, I just want to ask two you can make them quick answer.

00:59:43:11 - 01:00:08:15
Unknown
Yes. But for someone listening, how would you recommend someone start to engage with Somatics or start like working with their body language just on like a in a daily life, not in a therapy session? And how can people connect with you and work with you and support the work that you're doing and receive support from you?

01:00:08:17 - 01:00:45:16
Unknown
Yay. Okay. Well, thank you so much for having me. And it was just so nice to meet you all. And like, chat. Clearly we're all on, like, a really phenomenal healing journey. I so it's feels really I feel really honored to be in your presence and, so thanks for honoring my presence. I would say to start, how to connect with the language of your body is to just see what happens when you're not really doing all that much.

01:00:45:18 - 01:01:14:13
Unknown
I know that for me, I'm still learning how I like, lived in new Jersey, in New York for, for Richmond. Like you're always doing something and my nervous system is like still getting used to the slower pace of Richmond, even though it's like, you know, it's still a city. But I know that I'm learning how to, like, integrate rest, you know, still into my life, even though I'm an A-plus sleeper.

01:01:14:15 - 01:01:44:13
Unknown
Like, honoring honoring that. And so what comes up sometimes or, like, discomfort or, like, I should write the shoulds or, or just like, that's a intense practice, really, of just, like noticing what happens when you pause. So if that feels like too much, I would notice what happens when, you breathe, you know, this thing that is, like, automatically happening all the time, like our heartbeat.

01:01:44:15 - 01:02:14:16
Unknown
Can also be paired with a more, like, conscientious relationship. Like we can are we're breathing no matter what, but we can also, like, manipulate our breath in ways to, upregulate ourselves like Coppola, Bartie, or down regulate ourselves. Like increasing our exhales by one or even two seconds. And studies show that 3 to 5 breaths will shift your internal experience.

01:02:14:18 - 01:02:39:03
Unknown
So I would say start with three breaths, like you let us in at the beginning and just do a pre-post test. How was I feeling before? How was I feeling after? And it's okay if you don't have words for it. You're just there to kind of notice and observe. And your body really needs repetition. It like really, really needs to practice, practice, practice, practice, practice.

01:02:39:05 - 01:03:00:23
Unknown
And even when you want to resist, just be like, I'm noticing resistance. Yeah. I have so many things that I could say for that. I'm gonna keep it there. Yeah, people can find me by searching magic with Molly to find my website. You can read a little bit about my, like, my fall by accident on my website.

01:03:00:23 - 01:03:26:02
Unknown
You can find the contact page. You can learn about my offerings. I have openings for one on one somatic therapy clients. So you can find me at Rabbi. Actually on Instagram. That's all right, Levi. Molly. And you could hang with me, and I post pictures of plants and like, other things that I'm doing around town. Love it.

01:03:26:02 - 01:03:49:02
Unknown
I will have all of Molly's things linked in the show notes for people to go ahead and listen to. Molly cannot thank you enough for having this conversation with us. I want to talk to you forever. We want to keep going, but we will honor your time today. So thank you so much for this time and space, and we love you and hope to have you back.

01:03:49:04 - 01:03:56:17
Unknown
Oh, I love that. And I love you guys.

01:03:56:18 - 01:04:24:00
Unknown
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01:04:24:02 - 01:04:42:23
Unknown
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